The mind is the most important erogenous zone and fantasy
is a normal, healthy part of sex for men and women.
In fact, many specialists claim that a rich fantasy
life leads to better sex.
Most sexually active people have them
- some are acted on, some are not. We might even write
them down or use them in role-playing to spice up the
love life. Some of them you can only reveal to your
closest friends.
Gender differentiation
Study suggests that distinct tendencies differentiate
male and female sexual fantasies. These traits are hardly
universal; just because a person happens to be male
does not indicate he will have only male fantasies
that night, let alone for the whole of his life. In
general, however, male sexual fantasies tend to be shorter
and imagistic, where female sexual fantasies tend to
be longer and have more narrative, as well as a greater
focus on the relationships between the characters in
the fantasy.
Keep in mind that fantasies are a
normal - and healthy part of our sexuality. They
are either taken from past experiences or may even be
entirely imaginary.
Sometimes these fantasies are taboo, or socially unacceptable,
therefore they are only available through fantasy.
Common sexual fantasies include:
adultery
anal sex
sexual bondage
group sex
sexual domination and/or submission
masochism and/or sadism
rape fantasy
gay sex fantasies
lesbian fantasies
watching your partner masturbate
watching your partner urinate
The essence of a male fantasy
might be captured in a photographic moment or a seconds-long
clip of film; a female fantasy might require pages of
text to fully capture the key elements. Note that, contrary
to popular expectation, there is little to no difference
between the genders in the content of their fantasies;
a female is just as likely to fantasise about group
sex with an entire football team as a male is to fantasise
about group sex with an entire netball team..
Although the spread is narrowing,
there are some basic sexual differences between men
and women that make it very hard for women to understand
men and sex and vice versa. Fantasy and different attitudes
about sex are two sexual differences between genders.
Another sexual inconsistency: Men can divorce sex and
love and have sex for the sake of sex alone; women can
rarely divorce sex and love.
Bearing in mind there is always that
scope for individual variety, here are some almost universal
truths about men that women most often fail to understand:
Men daydream about sex with various
partners and in various situations.
Men masturbate while indulging these
fantasies.
Men add spice to lovemaking by fantasising
about someone other than the current sexual partner.
The same men who use sex to express
love can and will use sex manipulatively and for no
other reason than for sex itself.
Most men have times when they just
want sex for the physical sake of sex itself without
the entanglement of a relationship. Sometimes a man
just wants a woman's body. She can be asleep or drunk
or even watching television; he doesn't even care.
There was an expression during World
War II that explains this thought process: "Throw
a flagover her face and do it for Old Glory!"
Women often wonder, "Why would
a man pay for sex when it is easily obtained for free
in our society?" The fact is that the man will
pay because he is only interested in "getting in
and getting out," quickly, and without any other
involvement. This way of thinking is practically incomprehensible
to a woman.
But even more incomprehensible to
a woman is that a man can have sex with a woman he does
not love at noon and then expect sex from a woman he
does love in the same afternoon. Women can not understand
this total separation and then total merger of sex and
love.
There is another reason men can divorce
sex and love. Males reach the peak of their sexual energy
in their teens.
This means males seek sex long before
they are mature enough for any enduring intimacy or
relationship to form. Thereafter, for many years, or
at least until a man's sexual vigour wanes with age,
this high sexual energy threatens to disrupt any relationship
that does form.
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