Dildos are the ultimate do-it-your-own-way sex toy.
Unlike a vibrator, a dildo doesn’t move on its
own. In fact it doesn’t do anything you don’t
make it do. On the plus side, you can make it do all
sorts of things that human body parts can’t. You
can also pick any shape and size that pleases. Many
people would consider dildos to be self-explanatory.
Manufacturers probably agree, since they never include
an instruction manual. But if you’re curious about
using a dildo, and you’re not sure where to start,
the steps below offer the basics of how to use a dildo,
and leave plenty of room for personal interpretation.
Because dildos only do what you make
them do and don’t bring any extra motion of their
own, choosing the right dildo is key. Get something
too big and no matter how excited or committed you are,
it’s just not going to work. Pick a shape (or
even color) that turns you off and you may find it hard
to get into using a dildo. If you’re not sure
about what size you want, think about other things you’ve
used for penetration (fingers, penises, carefully washed
vegetables, etc…) If you’re using a dildo
because you've never had penetration sex, you should
start with your fingers or a very small dildo.
You always need to use a personal
lubricant with any sex toy for penetration. Water -based
lubricants are good for almost everyone. (If you are
using a dildo made of silicone, do not use silicone
-based lubricant.) Put the lubricant on the dildo and
use your fingers to put lube both outside and inside
of your body. Thicker lubes are easier to use with dildos
as they don’t slide off the toy right away. If
you’re using a dildo for anal penetration you’ll
probably need to replenish the lube at some point.
You should always use condoms on a
dildo. Doing so will reduce the chance of you having
any allergic reactions to the dildo material. It also
makes clean up much easier. Condoms are also necessary
if you plan on using your toy for anal and vaginal use
or if you ever think you might share your dildo. If
you currently have a sexually transmitted infection
you should use a condom on your dildo as it is possible
for you to re-infect yourself. However, if your dildo
can be boiled in water (like some silicone dildos),
then you don’t need to use a condom -- providing
you boil your dildo after each use.
All dildos can be used for vaginal
penetration, but only some dildos are safe for anal
penetration. Dildos that are safe for anal use will
be smooth and seamless and will have a flared base to
prevent them from slipping up into the rectum. As mentioned
above, you shouldn’t use the same dildo in the
vagina and the anus unless you are using condoms or
can boil the toy in between uses.
Even if you’re planning on using
your dildo with a partner, it’s a good idea to
check it out by yourself first. You’ll feel less
self-conscious and/or you can really concentrate on
how it feels for you without being distracted (for better
or worse) by a partner. Make sure you have a little
time and enough privacy before getting down to business.
Before you try to use your dildo for
the first time, get yourself turned on however you would
normally. If you’re feeling awkward or distracted
it can make penetration more difficult, so being relaxed
and aroused can make your first time with a dildo smoother.
Before you insert the dildo, see what
it feels like when you rub it on the outside of your
body. Use it to massage and stimulate your external
genitalia first (either the vulva and labia or the anus).
Think of it as if you’re teasing yourself, building
up to the penetration. Once you begin to penetrate yourself
with the dildo, be sure to start slow. Notice how it
feels, and how it’s different than using your
own or someone else’s body parts for penetration.
Once you’re comfortably using
the dildo, you can experiment with different rhythms
and speeds. The great thing about a dildo is that it
will do exactly what you want it to, it doesn’t
get tired or get a leg cramp, and you can stop and start
whenever you like. Notice the difference between a slow
and steady movement and a fast and erratic movement.
See what you like and what works for you, and make some
mental notes that you can share with partners in the
future.
If you're a woman, you can bump the
end of the dildo against your cervix and this can be
painful. If you’re feeling pain, stop what you’re
doing and start slow again. You can adjust the length
of you dildo simply by where on the shaft you are holding
it. If you’re dildo is long enough it may allow
for deeper penetration and this may be very pleasurable.
Experiment with different angles of insertion and you
may find some spots more pleasurable than others. You
can also experiment with different sex positions to
change the feel of the penetration.
If you’ve got a clitoris handy,
you may find that adding clitoral stimulation while
using a dildo really changes the way the penetration
feels. Many women enjoy simultaneous penetration and
clitoral stimulation, and while this may require some
coordination, the effort is usually worth it. You can
also use a vibrator for clitoral stimulation while using
a dildo.
You can use your dildo with your partner
in any number of ways. You can hold the dildo and use
it on yourself. You and your partner can use it on each
other (but if you’re both using it, you need to
use a new condom for each person). You can also buy
a harness or strap-on kit and you or your partner can
wear the dildo and use it on each other. However you
want to do it, it’s a good idea for each of you
to follow the above steps first, and get fully comfortable
on your own before adding a dildo into the mix.
If you like playing with dildos, you
may find that the size you want to start off with is
too small once you’ve been at it for 10-15 minutes.
Some people find that the size they want changes based
on their mood and how turned on they are. This is why
some dildo lovers have collections. If you like dildos,
try experimenting with different sizes. Just because
you can’t pick the size of your lover doesn’t
mean you can’t have a selection.
Over the past decade or so, several
dildo manufacturers have created products specifically
for heterosexual couples interested in exploring male
anal play. This kind of play, which got the name bend
over boyfriend from a bestselling educational video
of the same name, involves a female partner strapping
on a dildo and penetrating her male partner.
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